Leave your comfort zone – they said – life is beyond it, success, happiness! And I felt so bitter thinking about it. In my emotional state at the time, I was waaay out of my comfort zone and nothing good had come from it.
My idealistic view of life or existence had been proven wrong so many times, pain accumulated like a mountain above my chest.  I thought if I tried to understand and conform to the outside world, I could manage my time and life better.

I also thought that others could hear me, see me the way I meant to communicate/exist, but no. It didn’t happen.
I was focused on all else but my own enlightenment or following other things than my happiness.
Of course, things started crumbling, my health, my time, my mental health, or emotional health. I started accumulating more negative experiences as the days, years went by. I wondered: why? Why should I live in this constant feeling of distress, pain, loss, powerlessness, restlessness, emptiness?
I started consuming self-help advice, psychology books, motivational speeches to maybe find a way of improvement for myself, but they would only make me feel worse. A loser an underachiever. 
In My childhood, I had been conditioned to be an overachiever, a perfectionist at the same time an artist and a martyr. The psychologist of the family. “Be the light, be the hope be the change be, be, be, for others, always for others never for you, but for your own good, it’s your duty it is your job to take these and carry them around and fix them. Achieve them. You have the duty to become your parents lost unfulfilled dream the success they never had, you have to get to do, make, change, break-through, what they never could.” And in the meantime hold the family together after they pass and make sure all your brothers and sisters, nephews, and nieces get to be the enlightened and wealthy geniuses they are supposed to be, as the forefathers predicted and wanted.
At the same time I had to be humble, better yet, invisible. “You have no worth, you have no intelligence, you have no insight or wisdom. You are stupid, useless, and powerless. You are small and always and forever replaceable. You are not wanted or needed. You do not contribute, you do not make a difference. You are only tolerated if you do as you are told.” And of course bee everyone’s conscience. Remind them in the most polite and patient-sensitive way of their duties toward themselves and society so they wouldn’t make spots on their and the family’s honor and prestige. 
This all cost me the loss of my identity, dreams, or wants. For the life of me, I didn’t know what to do with myself, after I realized – IT IS NOT MY JOB or DUTY to be for them. They would not listen to me anyway. I was always “too little to understand”, or hadn’t the “experience” to tell them shit. So as an “adult” 21-year-old, I woke up in a  field of work suggested by my mother, with a partner suggested by my sister, and pregnant. No home, no finished school, no stable job. I was drowning in loads of shit outside my comfort zone or my desires. Choices I made under the influence of others.
I hear people talk about that damned comfort zone all the time but I swear to whatever they want that I do not know what that is. I am sure there are lots of bad things in this world but where is that miraculous comfort zone? I want to see it for once, feel it, be part of it! To figure out understand what I am supposed to live outside of, to get to the other side of it, maybe then I’ll find the success or the happiness they long for. So I can give it to them. So they can leave me the F alone. I had to spend many years trying to find it. And still, I only have glimpses of it. In rare moments of solitude when I do not have to listen to anyone’s drama or breathing for that matter. In an island of peace, sunlight… I have reached the conclusion that “THE COMFORT ZONE” of people is suffering, meddling, hurting each other, and playing dirty games. And whoever had the courage to step out of it is considered crazy. “Oh my gosh, how can you not care?!” “Why are you so calm? Can’t you see X is having a hard time?”  Yeah, I detach, I do some serious detaching these days. I can’t wait to get to my keys, type away on my books, writing about what all those years of trying to “leave” my comfort zone meant and how it changed my life. Or write stories that might teach people to leave that life behind and rediscover LIFE and the truth about the comfort zone.
The moment I stopped trying to make things suit others, things became simple for me. Leaving them in their games, freed me from immense pressure, pain, and constant self-flagellation.